Jewel in the Night
by Astrocam
Summary: Jade is a new fledgling at the House of Night. There's only one problem: she's already Christian. How will this affect her experience there? And will Zoey drive her crazy? Rated M for extreme sexual content, language, and religion. You have been warned. Pairings: Jade/Erik, Zoho/a million other guys. Also, title of this story could change.


**Astrocam: Hey guys, it's been like, forever since I attempted to upload any type of fanfiction. I've decided to try my hand at another type of fanfiction, House of Night. I wrote a short fic of HoN before, but never a full-length story. So, here goes. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own HoN (thankfully). **

**Warnings: Rated M because of a lot of strong sexual content, as well as religious content. I am Christian, and I incorporated this into the story to make it more interesting. Therefore I expect you'll respect my religion and hope you enjoy the story :) **

* * *

**Chapter One – New Fledgling**

* * *

That morning was like any other morning. I woke up, started to get ready for school. The only thing abnormal was that I was coughing a bit more than normal, but I just thought I was getting a cold. I was eating my breakfast when all hell broke loose.

I saw the dead guy standing across the dining room from me and my family. Of course no one else could see him, but I knew what was about to happen.

_Oh, shit..._

He raised a hand and pointed at me, saying in a voice that had obviously been repeated a thousand times, "Jade Cameron! Night has chosen thee; death will be thy birth. Night calls to thee; hearken to her sweet voice. Your destiny awaits you at the House of Night!"

My forehead exploded in pain and my mom, who was sitting across the table from me, let out a squeal of surprise. "Oh, Jade! You have the Mark of those things on your forehead! The tracker was just here, wasn't he?"

There were bright splotches around my vision, but a few seconds later they cleared. I coughed some more, realizing what this meant.

I'd have to leave my life. I'd have to go to this House of Night, go to school there with weird vampyre kids who drank blood, start worshiping their Goddess, Nyx, and wonder if I would make it through the Change or die.

To hell with that.

The problem was that I already worshiped a God. I wasn't just going to turn my back on Him for some stupid statue.

"Jade, are you ok?" My mother asked me quietly.

I shook my head, still coughing. "No, Mom, don't make me go, I wanna stay here!" I wailed between coughs.

My mom rushed over to me and hugged me. "Jade, don't worry. We'll figure this out."

"I'm going to have to go anyway," I shuddered. "I heard that they practically force you to go there cause you'll like, die if you don't get close to adult vampyres. It's like a freaking cult where they force people to go whether they want to or not."

"You didn't want to be Marked, but you were anyway. Sounds like a goddess I'd want to worship." My mom scoffed, pulling away from me. I agreed with her. My mom was one of the cool moms, everyone of my friends loved her and she was just so easy-going.

"I won't turn my back on God," I promised. "I know there's no such thing as that stupid Nyx. Who'd want to worship a goddess with that name anyway?" I felt like I wanted to die, I was in so much pain. I knew that, despite really despising everything the House of Night stood for, I'd have to go if I wanted to survive. Maybe I didn't want to survive. Maybe if I could just let myself die...

"Alright, honey, we'll get you into the car and get going. It's a few hour's drive from here."

"No, just let me die."

"Jade, I won't let you die. But remember, God has a plan for you. Maybe He wants you to set the record straight at that House of Night. Just remember you are Christian, first and foremost. If they pressure you in any way to turn from God, tell them to back off."

I nodded weakly. "I will. Can I get a tylenol?"

"Sure, but we should go soon."

I managed to drag myself up to my room and pack a few things. I brought my laptop, DSLR camera and cell phone (the things I dragged along everywhere), a few outfits, some jewelry, nail polish, make up, novels, photos of me and my best friend (how the hell was I going to tell my best friend, Aiman about this?) Aiman was from India. We'd met online before we'd met in person one year ago, and have been super close ever since. We lived an hour apart, and I groaned when I realized the distance would soon be four hours apart. We only saw each other one a month or two as it was, it would be even less now and my heart ached when I thought about it. Aiman's name stood for "fearless", and he was quite proud of his name.

I quickly texted him, hoping he wouldn't freak out or call me a freak and decide to throw away our friendship.

**Me: Aiman, something terrible has happened to me. I'm not kidding around either.**

**Aiman: Omg, are you ok? What is wrong?**

**Me: I've been Marked and I have to go to the House of Night right away or I'll die.**

**Aiman: Oh noooo :( then you will have to be farther away from me :(**

**Me: I know, I hate it and I hate that House of Night shit. I won't even get to see you before I leave :( **

**Aiman: Don't worry baby, I will come to the House of Night and see you soon, I promise.**

**Me: You don't think I'm a freak?**

**Aiman: Of course not, you are my chichu always, no matter what has become of you. Also it is not your fault that this has happened to you.**

I melted. "Chichu" was the Indian word for "sweet person", and it was a nickname he called me so it had stuck. He also called me "baby" even though we weren't technically in a relationship, since we couldn't be. Indians have their arranged marriages, and he'd told me that his parents told him not to get with an American girl or they would stop talking to him. I was still bitter about it and thought it was kind of racist, but I knew it was part of their culture. Some Indian parents weren't so strict and would have allowed him to marry me with their permission, but unfortunately his were super religious. If he had been born in this country, then he could have married me.

**Me: I'm going to miss you so much.**

**Aiman: Me too, my chichu. I promise we can skype and I will see you if they have visitation day.**

**Me: Yes, they do I think, every month. **

**Aiman: I will make it a date then. I will take that day off to come see you. Just tell me what day. I will take a bus there.**

**Me: Thank you, I will. I have to finish packing. I feel awful now, physically too.**

**Aiman: When you get there you will get better, text me when you've reached.**

I said good-bye to Aiman and threw a few more things in my suitcase, but what I really wanted to do was throw myself into the bed and let myself die. Now I'd have to be learning things about vampyres like "vampyre history" and "Nyx, the vampyre Goddess", along with "dealing with bloodlust". I shuddered. Well, those were classes I'd probably fail.

Soon I was ready, unfortunately. I said goodbye to my furbaby, my cat, Ellie, and I felt so bad for her because she didn't understand that I really had to leave her for good. I wondered if the House of Night allowed its vampyres to visit their homes, or if they kept us imprisoned for life and only people could come to us? I wouldn't be sleeping in my bed tonight with Ellie as usual and that made me burst into tears despite all the coughing I was doing.

Within minutes, my mom and I were on the way to the House of Night. I had taken tylenol and gravol in the hopes of not getting carsick on the way, since me + long drives = barf bags or pulling over multiple times. Which did end up happening anyway.

* * *

When I finally arrived at the House of Night, it was 1pm, and the school grounds were completely deserted. I thought that was strange, since most people would have been going in between classes or having a free class or something by now. At least, in my old school. Now there was no one. Except for a tall, auburned-hair, beautiful lady that was standing just inside the entrance to the House of Night. Her Mark (a sapphire crescent moon) was filled in, and there were intricate tattoos down each side of her face. I wondered what that meant.

I stepped out of the car and realized that my skin was starting to itch. Great, now I wouldn't be able to come out in the sunlight anymore? How stupid. Now I'd never be able to get a tan again. Not that I ever tanned anyway, my skin was already pale enough.

"Welcome, Jade Cameron," the woman greeted me as I stepped into the building with my mother and my suitcase. "Good thing you arrived here as quick as you did. It's the middle of the daytime, when most fledglings and vamps are asleep, but the Tracker told me a new vampyre was coming so I had to be here to greet you, so you wouldn't feel lost or confused. My name is Neferet, and I am the High Priestess of this House of Night. Merry Meet." She smiled at me, and I felt nothing but warmth coming from her. But I was too grumpy and sick feeling to care.

"Thanks," I muttered, attempting to sound polite.

"One benefit about starting this new life, is that you may choose a new name if you like."

I shook my head, just wanting to lay down and fall dead asleep for the rest of the day. Or maybe, dead altogether. "My name is fine."

"Excellent. This must be your mother."

"Yes, hello. I would like to mention that we are Christian, and I would request that you not force Jade to believe in this Goddess of yours, since she has already chosen a God, our God." My mom sounded calm, and I was relieved she was the one to say it and not me. "If you respect her beliefs, we'll respect yours."

Neferet's manner went from calm and motherly to stiff and cold all of a sudden. "I'm sorry, but she has been Marked by the hand of Nyx, therefore she should learn about her new Goddess."

"Are you saying she has to convert?" My mom eyed Neferet, noticing her odd behavior also.

"Basically, yes. We are a feminist society here, and we only believe in Nyx. Your God is male, or as you so believe."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, I'm tired and sick, and just want to sleep."

My mom turned me to face her. "Stay strong in your beliefs. I should get back home, now. I love you." She kissed me on the forehead and hugged me. "Call me when you wake up."

"I'll remind you that our days and nights are switched here. Since our skin is sensitive to sunlight, we fall asleep at sunrise and wake up at sunset. So the timings will be different," Neferet said, still acting cold towards us.

"I understand. Goodbye Jade, I'll talk to you later."

"Bye Mom, love you too." What I really wanted to say was, _"Mom, get me the hell out of this cult and take me back to my place so I can die in peace."_ But I knew that Neferet already didn't like me, and she wouldn't like me even worse if I had said that out loud.

I watched my mom go out to her car in the parking lot, then turned to face Neferet, who looked more than a little pissed, but she forced a smile to seem friendly towards me. "I'll lead you to your dorm room, where you'll room with a girl named Zoey Redbird. Her roommate failed to make the Change last week."

"So that means she..." I trailed off.

"Yes, she died."

I just sighed, but held my tongue and didn't say anything.

"Zoey's kind of a different fledgling," Neferet went on, keeping her cold and stoic demeanor as we walked. "Her Mark was filled in when she arrived. Then after she saved her human boyfriend from ghosts, her Mark expanded to her face, which usually only happens when the fledgling makes the Change into an adult vampyre. Also, I am Zoey's mentor."

I nodded, trying to take it all in. I decided I didn't want to get into a conflict of Nyx vs God right now because I was feeling too miserable to argue.

Finally, after a bit of awkward silence, we made it to my new room. Neferet knocked on the door, and a few seconds later, a girl opened it. She had long, black hair that looked a bit messy from sleep, and her tattoo was filled in like Neferet had said, with pretty designs down her face. She looked like an adult vampyre, only she was a fledgling.

Her sleepy eyes opened wide when she saw me. "Neferet, this is..."

"Your new roommate. Zoey Redbird, meet Jade Cameron."

Zoey shook my hand, but she looked kind of grumpy even though she forced a smile. I wondered what that was all about. Was she annoyed that we'd waken her up from sleep? Nah, she was probably annoyed at getting a new roommate after having a room all to herself for a week. I hoped I didn't have to room with a bitch who didn't like me.

"Come in, come in," Zoey said in a friendly enough voice. "Your bed is all ready for you. The vamps know when a new kid is about to be Marked. I knew you were coming, too, cause Neferet told me."

New kid? Great. And how did the vamps know when a "new kid" was about to be Marked? Were they psychic?

Zoey seemed to sense my confusion. "I'll explain it to you later, but you look awful so you should get some sleep. It might seem weird to you at first, sleeping during the day and being awake at night. But it's not so bad, really."

Neferet nodded at us. "Good, Zoey will explain more things to you when you're awake. You'll be able to have tonight off school to get used to everything, but tomorrow will be your first day of classes. I'll retire to my room, now. See you girls at sunset." Then she left, closing the door behind her.

When me and Zoey were alone, I went over to the spare bed and set my suitcase at the foot of it. I rooted through it for some pjs. I knew I was going to hate having a roommate, especially after sleeping in my own room all of my life.

Then I noticed the orange ball of fur on Zoey's bed.

"You have a cat?" I asked her in surprise. Usually, animals weren't allowed in schools.

Zoey nodded proudly, sitting on her bed and stroking the cat. "Nala here found me. Cats are all over the place here, and soon enough, one will come to you. They can even follow you into class. They basically do as they please."

Not caring that I was stripping in front of this girl, I changed into more comfy clothes, then plopped into the bed. My stomach was still turning over, but starting to come down. "I already have a cat," I said sadly, missing Ellie. "Her name is Ellie."

"That's your old life, though," Zoey said. "By the way, you have a hot body," she winked.

I just stared at her. First, she tells me that Ellie is my old life. Next, she says I have a hot body and winks at me. Dear God. I think I hate her already.

Nala lifted her head as Zoey petted her, then she noticed me and stood up. The cat jumped off Zoey's bed, then came over to me, purring. She was quite overweight, and made funny sounds when she breathed, which I figured probably wasn't healthy. She twined between my legs, and I reached down to pet her.

Zoey laughed. "Nala likes you. She doesn't like too many people besides me, but she did like my former roommate, who was also my best friend here..." her voice trailed off and then she sounded sad, and for almost an instant I felt sorry for her, because having a best friend die like that was probably hard.

Then she shrugged it off. "Whatever. I'm glad Nala likes you. If she likes my roommates, they're ok with me too." Then she laid down on her bed and pulled her covers up over her. "Well, I'm going back to sleep. Nala, come here," she called to her cat.

The cat didn't go to her, instead continued to stare up at me as I crawled into bed myself. Then, she jumped on my bed, padded in a circle a few times, and fell asleep against me. It made me miss Ellie. No other cat could replace her, although Nala was cute. Plus, Nala wasn't mine.

"Fine," Zoey muttered grumpily. Then she closed her eyes and was soon asleep, too.

I found it strange that she was so "whatever" about her best friend's death. What was up with that? Feeling a bit restless, I tossed and turned for a while, thinking way too much even though my whole body screamed "sleep". I just couldn't. Finally, I gave in and texted Aiman.

**Me: I made it to the House of Night, I feel awful and want to sleep but I can't fall asleep. And our hours are switched, meaning I'm awake during the night and sleep during the day. This is so messed up. My roommate and principal seem nice, but I don't like it here. I want to be home. **

**Aiman: Do not fret, my chichu. You will be fine. You will still be able to talk to me at your lunchtime, since I am usually awake at midnight.**

**Me: I know, but something's weird about this whole thing. I guess I'm just nervous and sad, over thinking things. My roommate's cat is sleeping with me, apparently they have cats roaming everywhere here, and one cat will choose me, but I miss Ellie.**

**Aiman: At least having a cat there will help you feel like it is home, for now. Do you want to talk with me on skype tonight? At say midnight?**

**Me: Yes. I do want to see you. I miss you already, knowing you're farther away now. **

**Aiman: I will see you then. I miss you too, chichu. Did you ask about visiting day?**

**Me: Shit, I totally forgot. I'll ask in the morning, er, evening...whenever. **

**Aiman: No worry. Sleep now, baby, so you can take rest. **

**Me: Ok baby, goodnight...or, afternoon...**

**Aiman: Goodnight baby ;)**

I managed a grin at his little message before sleep finally overtook me.

* * *

When I woke up, I felt so much better. I checked the time and saw that it was around seven pm. I had slept the whole day away, and for some reason it made me sad. I'd never get to bask outside in the sun again.

"Morning!" Zoey called cheerfully from her bed, where she was sitting up and texting someone. "I've got some classes to go to, I assume you'll just stay around here?"

"Yeah, when's your break?" I yawned. I wasn't exactly chipper when I first woke up, which was another reason I wasn't looking forward to having a roommate. Nala was still beside me.

"Midnight," she said. "I can come get you, if you want."

I remembered that I'd told Aiman I would skype him. "I'm going to talk to my best friend on skype at that time," I told Zoey.

"Oh, ok. Well I guess you can stay here until 3 am, when classes are over, and after that I'll come with my friends to get you. There's a common's room down the hallway where you can grab some food, it's all free, so don't worry about that. Oh, and unfortunately it's all healthy. The vamps want us to eat mostly healthy food so that we'll have a better chance of making the Change." Zoey rolled her eyes. "But sometimes I sneak some Doritos and brown pop."

"Brown pop? You mean like, Pepsi or Cola?" I found it weird that she just called it "brown pop" when most other people called it by their brand names.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I gotta go. Later." Zoey picked up her backpack and gave me a warm smile before heading out the door and shutting it behind her.

Thank God, I could be alone to sort out my thoughts. I figured I should call my mom and let her know I was feeling better. I talked to her for about ten minutes, then texted Aiman while he was at work. He would answer me when he wasn't busy, which was often. I decided I should also unpack and set up my laptop and everything.

A few hours later, I had my side of the room looking pretty neat, while Zoey's was quite messy in comparison. A few of her clothes were on the floor, and her trash can was piled high. Nonchalantly, I sprayed some Febreeze that I'd thought to bring over her trash can so the smell wouldn't come this way. At least cleaning and organizing my room had taken up half of the day, er, night. Man, this was so weird.

I decided to have a shower, then, so I grabbed a change of clothes and went into the bathroom. Nala stuck around most of the evening, but then left through the cat door once she got bored of following me around. I still found that strange.

Then as I walked into the bathroom, I saw myself in the mirror for the first time since I'd been Marked.

The sapphire outline of the crescent moon looked actually like a real skin tattoo. And it had felt the same as getting a real one, I should know, I already had three. Did that mean if my Mark expanded, it would cover my own tattoos? The thought pissed me off. But then I looked at my face. My long, dark brown hair was puffy and all over the place, my eyes looked tired, and I was hungry but I decided to have the shower first then eat after I looked better.

As I was in the shower, I thought about Aiman. I missed him. Even though we were best friends, we were a lot more than that. As in, you would say, "friends with benefits". Plus, our connection ran deeper than just sex. We talked and acted like best friends in public and around our family and friends, but when we were alone it was like he treated me like a girlfriend and it kind of sent me mixed messages. For one thing, I knew there was no way we could ever be together in the long term. He had another girl waiting for him, or at least, one that his parents picked out. But I couldn't help but just fall for him anyway. He was sweet, caring, funny, and he helped me through my bad times. He accepted me for everything I was, and that was all I would want in a boyfriend.

Unfortunately, I didn't have much hope that Aiman's parents would jump out and say, "We've changed our minds, you can marry an American girl, we give you permission". Pfft. That only happens in movies and novels. So someday I'd have to watch him make some other girl, a stranger, happy, and it would hurt worse because I'd know what I was missing by not being married to him. Plus, this new girl would replace me in his life, even though me and him have been through all this and stuck together through it all. The thought killed me, but on the outside I acted like it didn't bother me much anymore, though Aiman knew it did. He could read me better than anyone, even over texting.

I missed his sex. We hadn't seen each other in a month since he'd been so busy with work and school. Me, I didn't have a job, though I was looking. Or, I had been before I'd been Marked. But Aiman and I had really great sexual chemistry, that I didn't have with any of my previous boyfriends. That would also make it hard for me someday, when he just up and married someone else. I'd be picturing him in bed with her, then them having kids together (I didn't want kids, but still, the thought of him having kids with someone else upset me), then seeing them walking down the street as a happy family. And me, alone with my vampyre-ness. I know it wasn't his fault, it was part of his Hinduism, but for once I just wished I could find a cute, sexy, attractive, and just plain nice guy instead of all the jerks I'd dated. But now I had the perfect guy in front of me, and he was just out of my reach. It was frustrating.

The more I thought about it, the more it upset me, so I decided to just think about how his touches and kisses made me feel. Even though I was done washing my hair and body, I let the warm water run over me, then reached down to touch my breasts. I hadn't really done anything sexual at all in a while, and I realized the more I played with my breasts, how badly I needed release. Even gently tugging at the most sensitive spots was making me so excited that if Aiman were here, I'd jump his bones right now.

God, I needed to get off.

Deciding that now would be the best time to look up porn (while Zoey was in classes), I quickly got out of the shower and dried myself off, but instead of putting my jeans on I tossed my shirt and underwear on, then brought my jeans and towel out with me. I hung up my towel and laid my jeans next to my bed, and then for extra safety I went to the door and locked it, in case anyone decided to barge in.

Grabbing my laptop, I set it up on the bedside table, and tuned into my favourite porn site. Yes, I had a dirty mind, but I was pretty sure everyone had a dirty side to them. Besides, it had been forever since I'd looked up porn. It wasn't like I was obsessively looking it up everyday or anything.

Luckily, in my packing haste, I'd remembered to toss my dildo in my bag. I'd left it in there when I'd unpacked, so I took it out of the bag and went to the washroom to clean it off. Once it was clean, I went back to my bed and laid down. Then I clicked on a video and began watching it.

I'll be honest here. Watching two girls having sex, to me, turned me on more than watching a guy and a girl doing it. Yet, I preferred guy and girl sex in person. (More on that story later.) I wasn't sure why that was. Maybe I was bisexual, who knows? But I didn't think so, I definitely preferred guys, and wanted a husband someday rather than a wife.

As the video went on, I became more turned on, then started touching myself, desperately wishing I had someone to make out with. Making out definitely did help, but I was already turned on anyway.

Finally, after playing with the dildo inside of me, I found my release and calmed myself down. Then I checked the time...it was getting close to midnight. I had to skype Aiman soon.

I cleaned up the dildo again then hid it in my bag and shoved the bag under my bed. I cleaned myself up, put my jeans on and was fully dressed. My phone beeped, showing I got a text message.

**Aiman: I am home from work now, we can go on skype in a few minutes. **

**Me: Ok, I'll be ready.**

I shut off the porn site, unlocked the bedroom door and settled into my bed to talk to Aiman. We ended up chatting for thirty minutes before he got tired and went to sleep. It made me miss him even more, though.

Suddenly, the door opened, and Zoey came into the room, looking flustered. "Hey, Jade," she collected herself in a few seconds but I could tell something was upsetting her.

"Hey," I said, sitting up. "Don't you have class?"

"Well, I did, but I got excused," she said the words quickly, as if she was making them up on the spot. "Actually, I know you're new here, but I really need to talk to someone, and I can't talk to any of my friends. I thought maybe talking to an outsider, not that you're an outsider, but you know, would help me to get another opinion on my situation."

"Yeah, well I can try," I murmured.

"So..." Zoey trailed off, as if not wanting to admit something. "There's a vamp professor, and I think he's kinda definitely into me."

I was surprised. "That's kind of illegal, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's really bad, but hear me out. The guy is a few years older than me, in human years. I don't want to tell you his name, since Neferet can read the other fledgling's thoughts and feelings, but not mine for some reason. But anyway, today I was in the media center lookin' up stuff for the Dark Daughter's ritual that I have to perform, and he came in. He basically talked to me for a few minutes, then touched my face."

I wanted to roll my eyes. Really? That was it? Big deal. "Well, I guess you should be careful not to get attracted to him," I said instead, trying to be polite.

"That's not all, though. Earlier, when I first met him, we were alone outside and he asked to see the tattoos on my back, so I pulled my top down over my shoulders and he touched me there. I don't know, but something about him makes me feel like such a...woman, rather than the giddy schoolgirl that Erik makes me feel." Zoey's eyes twinkled, and I was curious.

"Who's Erik?" I asked.

"My fledgling boyfriend," Zoey sighed. "My life is kinda complicated. I have Erik as my official boyfriend, then Heath is my human boyfriend that I've Imprinted on by drinking his blood, and now this older vamp who likes me."

"Wait, imprinting, what's that? And why did you drink his blood?" I wrinkled my nose in disgust.

"Me and Heath have been friends since elementary school, well dating off and on all those years. When I first came here, him and my former best friend tried to break me out. Basically, he'd cut himself and I found myself attracted to his blood, so I drank it, and we're imprinted now, which means I can feel everything he's feeling and vice versa. You'll learn about it in vamp soc class, but you don't need to worry much about it. Since you're a normal fledgling, you usually don't feel bloodlust until you're Changed."

I nodded, but still felt confused at everything she'd unloaded on me. At least I didn't have to drink blood yet.

Zoey continued without waiting for me to say anything. "I don't really know what to do about the boy situation, I like Erik because he's cute and funny and looks like Superman, also he's a fledgling like me, I like Heath because we've known each other forever and are Imprinted, I like the older vamp cause he makes me feel like a woman and writes me poetry."

"Oh. Well...if Erik is your boyfriend, maybe you should stop seeing the older guy?" I suggested. It seemed logical. "And stop seeing the human guy...but I guess you've imprinted so..." I trailed off, still not understanding the imprint thing.

Zoey shook her head. "No, I like all of them for different things. I can't just say no to Loren, and breaking an imprint is very painful for the human. Oh crap, I gotta meet my friends. Later. See you at three AM." She jumped up off her bed and scurried out the door, obviously still in a frazzle.

I shook my head, amused. How could one girl have three guys after her, especially since she was cheating on them all? Even if she hadn't had sex yet, she was still cheating emotionally because of having feelings for them all. And how she had gotten involved with an older vamp, I had no idea.

Well, my first day at the House of Night was interesting so far.

* * *

**Astrocam: So, thanks for reading, and if you have anything bad to say about my religion do not leave a review. I will just delete it. Just enjoy the story for what it is, it's not like I'm trying to convert you...**


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